tv: nostalgia ultra
i'm laughing into me
13th-Jul-2012 06:03 pm - Balderdash
I have been thinking about two things, primarily. One is how I speak. I have a fairly calm voice - I hope? (isn't it so strange that the senses we use the most, we have no real understanding of), but I definitely chatterbox. I think I temper myself well, but what if I'm not? Yes, I'm literally the idiot sitting there wondering if my tone isn't subtle enough for sense.

Now there was no way I could know if I was correctly adhering to social customs. I didn't even know how to modulate my voice. Was I talking too loud? Did I look like a regular person? I understood that I was involved in a big contraption called civilization and that certain things were expected of me, but I could not comprehend what the hell those things might be.

All the words that came out of my mouth seemed equal. Instead of saying "reduce it about 90 percent," I could have said "two eggs and some toast, please." The whole world was broken down into elemental parts, each being of equal "value" to the whole - which is to say, of no value at all. - The Electric Kool Aid Acid Test

The other, infinitely more erudite, is this:

I think 26 is the turning point. I've got to make up for 10 years of living like a degenerate. I've suddenly become conscious of being unhealthy. You've spent every bit of free time since [the age of] 15 in a pub. And suddenly you're like, "Oh God, I don't want to be this grey ghost sitting there with a pot belly. I've got to get it together." — Robert Pattinson

Substitute in 25 and a complete lack of exercise or diet. I say diet because that feels like you're an adult who plans meals to have some proportions of content. I think I won't be an adult until the day I aim for a protein quotient to my dinner. I'm trying - aka I walk (laugh at me!) and hike and avoid purchasing too many snacks. These are my accomplishments of 2012. But basically - I've got to get it together. - forever. Rob and I know it.

What is my life? I've realized I don't know anyone anymore and as navel gazingly awkward as it feels to write this, I would read every/anyone's. So I'm 25. I'm in graduate school for at least three more years. I'm going through my second (read: 80th) academic transition! I'm really excited! My 2nd year/Masters' thesis is a longitudinal study of infant to toddler language development correlated to maternal speech patterns, specifically regarding guiding commands and repetitive language, as moderated by maternal affect. Also I did some things with language development in autism and Fragile X-linked autism which is fine, I guess? It's all alright? Which is a pleasant but sort of awkward way to feel about things. It's not what I wanted to do, but sometimes you just end up in things and stay there for experience. But my PhD thesis needs to feel like the reason I breathe, so I'm kind of doing that wrt: neural electric pulses during language comprehension in schizophrenics. Which sounds bomb! Also my new adviser is really neat and has nice shoes all the time. She's a hero. So I'm stoked!

Ostensibly I'm writing that first thesis all summer, but my first adviser never calls me back soooooo I'm studying for preliminary exams, which is fantastic (not). Basically we need to read 300-odd papers, which is why I've split it in two with someone I like. We have cute color-coordinated binders and everything! This is real to me. Perpetual student, even though I think of myself as a borderline mediocre one.

The worst things happening right now are: I broke out two weeks ago in a way I haven't since high school. It's all gone now but I get hyperpigmentation; I really just can't be brown some days. Speaking of which, my tan lines are berserk. I need to topless this bitch, as my breasts are Snow White and my clavicles are Jasmine. I tried to become zen with my body and chill out about things and I gained 4 pounds, which is nothing but basically everything. I stopped watching most movies or television and I end up seeing things like Teen Wolf 5 days late, which is incidentally 5 days after I've watched the entire show through tumblr gifs. Tumblr gifs are the new Cliff's Notes. You can pretend to know everything so much faster now! These are no longer bad things. But! I am currently visiting my parents (Q1: is it still called visiting when it's your parents?) to have one of my last two dental appointments before my parents' double coverage expires (Q2: does the fact that I'm still on their insurance plans change the answer to Q1?) and. First of all, my parents get terribly lame snacks (see: failure to be an adult with real meals - the "if someone else bought it" loophole), but I managed to find a bag of brown sugar cinnamon poptarts. Which were actually strawberry poptarts in the wrong box. I mean... I'm not resentful that strawberry ones exist, but who does that. Answer: people who don't value sanctity of anything.

Oh also, I still have a dude who is still the nicest and still the most culturally inept, i.e. he knows things about government or whatever, but not Lindsay Lohan's current hair color. Which is useless, because it means all we can talk about (wrt: meaningful global events) are fantasy/sci-fi, Batman, and probably Anderson Cooper coming out. As it is, we've now officially passed four years in the long-distance phase of our relationship, which is hilarious. We're trying to get him moved, but the job market is #nowplaying Complicated - Avril Lavigne. Q3: it is past borderline ridiculous to 5 or more years of a long-distance relationship, correct? I am trying to be loving and supportive to the maximum, which means I definitely don't phase into #nowplaying Why Don't You Get A Job - The Offspring. But like. Getting laid more than every month or two is incentive, no? And I'm sure at least one of those pounds went to my ass.
tv: opposite of adults
6th-May-2012 12:00 am - Translator
Young Justice.Collapse )

I have three 35% complete entries in queue, always. Hate myself!
tv: nostalgia ultra
9th-Mar-2012 11:16 pm - A Series

I'm still in the same rut I was before, so I thought I would use that internal dumbness to power through all the fashion I missed. 1: Couture, and my super unexpected favorite show.

Flavored ketchup.Collapse )
tv: nostalgia ultra
1st-Jan-2012 08:48 pm - Scrapping By
Notes To Self: Not even going to pretend I'll re-start reading actual novel fiction this year.

scrapbook 2012Collapse )
tv: postcards
30th-Dec-2011 03:04 pm - Green
Watching embroidering and jewelry making is crack.

A post about how I"m Indian, and then white people.Collapse )
tv: nostalgia ultra
26th-Dec-2011 01:24 pm - Advent.

Should I make post six when she (a) finally gets that Vogue US cover or (b) she hits number one on the models' rankings?

+++Collapse )
tv: nostalgia ultra
I saw the flurry surrounding holiday love but honestly I don't feel like I deserve any this year? My journal's been a mess, I've become increasingly detached and unavailable, and maybe meaner. But I thought I would have time to leave more messages, so: you all were great. With an exclamation point!

Applications to things should be banned. I had been so good about sleeping, but now I've been stress awake for days. I don't even want to talk about it for fear of perma-jinxing since I pretend to be all scholastic and erudite but am the most superstitious creature alive, but yes. Things. I just want to sleep more, guys. ;_;

I finally got a camel tie around the waist peacoat though, so that's something.

Deep thoughts: I'm pretty excited about almost being up to date on my scrapbook. I think I can legitimately make it happen by the end of this year, which has never happened in my scrapbook life. Crying anticipatory.

That said, there's so many things I forget to save. Next year I want to add favorite editorials to the list because fucked if I remember. For right now - briefly.Collapse )
tv: nostalgia ultra
The dumbest entry ever:

This video is on hyper-repeat status.

mostardently and I are quoting it until we die. It'll be buried with her and burned with me, right after the Twilight commentaries.

disco_vendetta made this great point in her last post about reading old entries and being blown away by them and then seeing you didn't respond like a chump, except this is me constantly in that I read everyone on livejournal but the only thing I comment on are really meaningful issues in anonymous communities. I'm a real winner. Speaking of which, I didn't respond to disco_vendetta's entry, obviously.

I'm in this weird academic lull where I have enough daily activity to keep me occupied but huge amounts of upcoming and currently dateless assignments, theses, etc. that just loom from beyond. I need to stop ignoring the latter.

I don't know why I thought Casablanca was going to be boring and terrible, because it was definitely not boring or terrible. I think I don't have a ton of super great traits, but I like my ability to go from hating to loving something without weird fixations on needing to adhere to prior opinions, i.e. Abbey Lee's face (even though she starved it off), Amanda Seyfried (Riley linked me to this great little interview which makes you think about how little we hear actors actually talk. Just actively talk for a few minutes), Rob Pattinson (I still feel ugly for that thing I wrote about him back when I didn't understand self-effacing (I'm finally starting to get those kids in the back of the room who get As but never talk in class)).

All over really crisp brows (!!!) lately but no one really does them for me. I need one white aesthetician to not be all up in my natural shape. White people are so weird!

That seems like a good place to stop.
tv: nostalgia ultra
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